This Marriage Was Not Real..

   This is an update on my marriage and this blog. As I write the blog today. Presently I an going through a divorce. My wife said I raised my hands on her when that is not what happened. My wife like to be in control since she is a school principal and she wants to always be in control. I am not a control freak she is the control freak. She never listened to me when is comes to anything regarding her children or anything else for that matter.
    Every time I said anything to her regarding her children she always never want to agree with me. I lost my job with the cable company in Dec of 2007. That same month I had to go to my brothers wedding in St. Lucia since my brother and I are very close and he was at my wedding in the U.S I had to attend his wedding. Despite losing my job I left my family that Christmas to join my brother for his wedding. The wedding was great and still remember how much fun I had on that day.
     It took me a month to get back into the United States since my passport expired and I had to apply for a new passport which took forever. The registry in my country is a little backward and most of the records were all screwed up, because they moved to a new building. I am registered on my birth certificate as Lorraine, Leona. My mother never had any girls so I wondered how that may have happened. Must have been since I was born at home and not the hospital, the midwife who delivered me may have made a mistake.
      To get to the nitty gritty! When I got back home it was a very difficult time for me because I had lost my job and my house was in foreclosure. Life was very difficult then. January 20, 2008 I was returned safely on U.S soil. I been trying to find a job but to no avail. Since the country was going through this recession finding jobs became more difficult. All this time I was trying to find work.

                 Allowing her ex-husband to come wash his clothes in my house
      What happened to me that same year really hurt me is that I saw my wife's ex husband clothes in my house in the basement. I asked her why her ex husband clothes were there. She made up a lie saying that her son and his father wears same size and that the clothes there were clothes that he borrowed his son to wear. I did take that for anything. But one night I saw her daughter coming into my bedroom where the ironing board is and was ironing her father clothes. I said to her why is her daughter ironing her father clothes in the house she said "The children are helping their father". I felt so betrayed. How can she say something like that. I am thinking why should I have to go to work and find a job to help support her, her children and now her ex-husband. To this day she has never apologized to me for hurting me.

               Bringing her ex-husband to tell his son to clean his room.
       That is just one instance. I can also recall I started working with the cable company back in April 2006. One Friday we were all doing a training, the session ended early and the trainer sent us home. At that time I worked in Middletown, NY. I left Middletown right after the training and went home. When I got there I saw my wife ex-husband in the house telling her son to clean his room. I did not know what to say but if I had said anything I know it would have cause an argument so I did not say anything but, I felt violated and hurt. Why she could not tell me that her ex was coming to the house to tell her son to clean up? Why do she just feel she can bring her ex-husband into my house without my consent. Before we got married I told her I don't want her ex to come to my house but she always feel that she don't need my permission to do anything. Yet she wants to claim that I am someone who always wants to be in control. I don't think he was there for just that. She never would agree with me on anything concerning her children.

                 Alloying her ex-husband to drive the car we bought together.
       Another incident! One day I was home outside during the day it was a school day. Suddenly I saw the car she was driving coming up towards the house. I thought it was her coming to the house she may have forgotten something. But, it was not her driving but her ex-husband. He came to the house driving the car we both went to the dealership to buy. She does not have any credit I used my credit to purchase the car for us. I do not know how she would expect me to feel when she do something like that to me. Like I have to suppress my feelings and just say nothing. But that is all good and well for her to do all those things to me. I was right there in the city of Poughkeepsie she could have called and ask where I was and ask me to come get her daughter. Her excuse was that her daughter was sick at school and she needed someone to drop her home and he was right there so she let him drive the car. But, why you did not just take a 10 minutes break from your job and drive to the house since we only live 5 minutes away from your job? Why the hell do you think I want to work to help support your ex-husband so he can come and drive my car. Why a big grown ass man you left 9 years plus ago do not have his own car?

                  Her ex-husband lied on me.

           In the summer of 2010 we just came back from vacation. I was in the house, her daughter is always very rude to me. She was being rude to me so I spoke to her sternly and she started crying. Whenever there is some problem with her daughter she always runs and call her dad who in turn will call the mother. That day in question he came to the house. He rang the bell I knew it was him there at the door so I went to the door and said to him that his daughter is very disrespectful to me. I only had a few words with him when his daughter came to the door. As soon as his daughter came to the door he said to her what happened and he left with her. That same day he went to call his ex-wife and said to her that I cursed him out. Later that day she came home and said to me if I cursed her ex-husband out.  That also hurt me because I felt she should not ask me if I cursed her ex-husband out. If she knew me she would never ask me that question. It was good that the next door neighbour was coming home at that time. I told her she could go ask him what happened. But what is all that for?

              After she left me she allowed her ex-husband to come stay with her.

      After she left me and moved out she allowed her ex-husband to come and stay in the apartment with her. This stuff is very hurtful. If you wanted to leave me for your ex-husband you should have told me so. Then you try to keep that a secret and saying to me that he is just your friend. Why this man cannot go and make it on his own. Everywhere you turn he is there. What to come into my house. For what? This is one low life person. Then my daughter is saying to me that her ex-husband left her in the car in the front of the post office while he went inside. Leaving her there all by herself.. Till this day this hurts me. But, I cannot do anything of say anything about it. When I say that to her she is turning it around and saying that I am poisoning my daughters mind. Why your ex-husband have to come and live with you till you have to ask him to drop her off on your job and he just left her in car all buy herself. That is a 6 yrs old child. But she is the principal of the school and it is during the school break. Why she could not take a break and come to the house and get the child. No it is all about he job. Like I am some fool. All odd hours this man is calling her. Calling her about school closing. You have a radio and a TV. He could turn on the TV and check the school closings for himself. Begging her for $10.00 one day to buy gas. Why you taking money out of my household to support you ex-husband. Just let him pay his child support you don't have to ask him for nothing. He don't even want to pay $25.00 a week for each one of his 2 children. She even went as far as to call me by that idiots name. That is why you and I are unhappy. Trying to compare me to some fool that had 2 children with you and did not marry you. Made you have 2 bastard children. When you were pregnant with the first child he should take to to city hall and marry you then for only $20 or $25 or in those days it was may be $15.Then later on you both could saved and have a real wedding. Not wait years upon years later after you had you second child.

                                      Her ex-husband poisoned the children mind.

      Her ex-husband poisoned the children mind that is why we could never have a relationship. One day he  said to them that if I ever raise my hand to them that they should call him and he will call the police to arrest me. That is what they both said to me. Why do I want to put my hand on your children. But, that is what I had to go through for years upon years. This man did not like me and ruined my marriage, because his marriage to her did not work. Yet he still want to be around. Like he still running things. He should go hide his face somewhere. If I said something like that to my daughter it will end up in court saying how I am poisoning her mind. I have been with several women with children and I have never got such rough treatment for children. They are very rude to me. Yet I have to support them. I should help you pay college for your son where is his father. Mr. Micheal Jordan that never made it to the NBA. You cannot ask them to do anything or say anything to them without any back answer. You all are rude to me and I have to go to work to put food on your table, put a roof over your heads, and work to pay a mortgage so when your both grow older you both have something to inherit. I don't think I have to do that.  He said from day one he did not want a next man around his kids. Even at her mother's funeral her son was crying I tried to give him a hug and he just pushed me away. She never saw stuff like that. But, I was always there. Then those idiots are saying I don't know how to communicate with my wife. My wife did not want to listen to nothing I had to say when it came to her children. It has always been about herself, her children and her career. But I wish you speak the truth and stop tell lies. People will get to know who you are that rude and stubborn person.

                         She said I said her son is dirty.

        Her son when I moved in with her, whenever she did laundry or he did his laundry and I was around, his underwear had faeces in it. Like someone who would go to the toilet and not wipe properly. I tried to help him and talk to him about cleaning himself. It was the same thing over and over again. I tried to help him to get his underwear clean. But it was always the same thing. I would help him was his underwear. Whenever I talk to his mother about him she would say if he want to stink let him stink. Most times I would be right next to him and his body would have a funny odour. I would tell his mother about it and she would say she did not take any smell. She would go as far as saying if he want to stink let him stink. His would never clean his room or hardly clean up only if one of us asked to.  When you walk next to the room you could smell how bad the room smelled. I went into his room several times and helped him clean his room. He would eat chip and take the bag and instead of putting it in the garbage he would take the bag and but it into the drawer. There was someone staying in my house after she left that said, he could not understand how someone could keep their room so dirty. How a house could be so dirty. When there are grown people living there. She would never ask those children to do any chores. Her daughter never took a broom to sweep the house.
            
                          Culinary Masterpieces!

      I am a good cook and I do like cooking. But, I don't like cooking for other people beside my family unless I am getting paid in a restaurant setting. She wants me to cook for her friends. I am a Caribbean person and I enjoy Caribbean cuisine first and foremost.The foods I like to cook and eat those people do not know anything about and will not enjoy those foods. Food is a big part of my culture. I did not come to Poughkeepsie to be with you and cook for your friends. Those people are your friends not mine.  If you all want to eat good food go to a restaurant and eat. I do not go to you all house and eat. The food you all cook, I do not like and you all cannot cook. Because I can cook you all want to come and grudge me because I don't want to cook for you all. I do not like none of those people we have nothing in common. I do not like to cook and serve food to people besides my family and people I live with. The main ingredient in my food is love and I do not like to cook food for people that I have no love for. What? I have to come to be people's slave and cook for them. Those masa days are over. I want to be with my family not with all other people and be cooking and serving them as like some slave. That stuff is degrading. I have to cook then dish out food for them and then serve them at the table. NO! Not me, look for some other dumb person. I don't want to do that. The food I cook are not masterpieces. It is just me cooking with love and putting seasoning in the food. If you all don't know how to do that and understand what cooking is all about, then I am sorry. Open up a recipe book and start experimenting.

                           The great pie incident.

       This was no great pie incident as she is making this out to be. What happened is I made a sweet potato pie for thanksgiving 2010. I made the pie the night before thanksgiving. When I woke up in the morning, I went into the kitchen, there was a hole in the pie. I told her to find out who made the hole in the pie and talk to them about. Why should one of the children just go and make a hole in the pie to take a taste. That was in the morning from about 10:00 am. That whole day I stayed cooking, she did not say anything to anyone of the children. They were in the house sleeping all day. I told her several times during the course of the day to talk to the children asking them who made the hole in the pie and that was not good. If one of them wanted a piece of the pie they could have come and ask for a piece. This was no great pie as she is making it out to be. This was the first time I ever made a sweet potato pie. This was not great pie. When it got later in the afternoon, the food was almost finish cooking I asked her again to talk to the children about the pie she did nothing. She did not make any attempt to ask anyone of them about the pie. I could have been anyone  of them. I got frustrated and said it was Jeremy who made the hole in the pie. The he started raising his voice in the house his mother was there saw how he was making all that noise in the house raising his voice at me and she said nothing. I took the pie and threw it in the garbage. Then she took the children and went to a hotel for a couple days. This did not have to go that far. But, that is how things always go in the house with her. Her children do things and she stay by and do nothing or say nothing about the situation until it get out of control. What she should have done was to call all the children and say to them that what whichever one of them did was not good and if anyone of them wanted a piece of pie they should ask for it. What is the big deal in a asking for a piece of pie. What is the big deal? But that is how things are. Whoever did that did not know if the pie was for someone. But that is how things go on it the house whenever I say anything I am always wrong.

   You thought you would use this blog to destroy me in court but I will use this blog to let the world know who you are Nadine Straughn.

    


              

                   


                       

Communcation & Conflict Management.

Communication is the key to a good relationship. In any relationship there will be times when conflict will arise. They key to resolving such issues is communication. Learning to listen empathic ally to what your mate is saying is key in managing conflict, and understanding each other. Listening attentively without interrupting the another person, and later clarify what you heard can also be a good technique that can be used to communicate effectively in a relationship. The spoken word is always misunderstood, so it is always good to listen attentively and then ask questions to clear up what you heard. At times the situation can lead to violence, but violence is not the answer in solving conflict. In a heated exchange you might say something that may hurt the other person. After the argument is over you can't take away what you said. It is also important to not say hurtful things to your mate, and refrain from name calling. Physical abuse is also something that one should never use to resolve conflict. Your mate will never forget that day that you did put your hands on them, and that person will hate you forever. So always try to stay calm and talk things over. You lied when I said I hit you. You should tell the truth as to what really happened. How the altercation started on the top step of the school where you work and end up all in the street. You need to stop telling lies on me and speak the truth. You said you are a Christian. Christian devil... You are a freaking lesbian. Raising my daughter around your lesbian lover.

    Communication is key to a good relationship. My wife never want to let know me what she does. Only until afterwards or months later I get to find out. She borrowed money from her friend twice $5000.00 for two semesters for her son and she never told me till after two semesters later. She just do whatever she want to do and never tells me about it. I am always the last person to know about what she is doing. When I find out later and get upset that she never included me in whatever she was doing. Then it becomes a problem. Like just before Christmas, she went to purchase 4 new tires for her car and never told me till I found out on Christmas eve. That is when all this started. She is saying to me it is her car and she can do whatever she wants. Not that she wanted to say, she wanted to say it is her money and she can do whatever she wants. This is not a marriage when you want to do whatever you want and not tell me about it.

Looking Back!

It's very hard to decide how to share spending time with family, work, and school work. I have an eighteen month old daughter Sarah, she is my world. I like spending time with her and just being home. There are other important things that I have to do when I am not at work such as studying, working on the house and spending time with my family. Time is so limited. Sometimes I look at my daughter and see how much she has grown. I wonder where I have been, and where the time went since she was born. Apart from going to work and school I have always been right here. I could remember it was only yesterday we brought Sarah home for the Hospital. She was born six weeks premature and stayed in the hospital only one week. My eye was filled with tears when I first saw my daughter. She was so small, The first time I held her in my arms she opened her eyes. When she saw me she started crying, seem like she was saying to me that I should tell the nurses and doctors she was hungry and wanted a bottle. The first day she was born at the hospital she was not bottle fed, the nurses and doctors did not feed her because they said she was too small to be bottle fed. Her Lungs may not be fully developed to be bottle fed. The following day Sarah was ready for the world and began bottle feeding. There is nothing I would rather do than just spend every second of my time with my family and Sarah!

Getting Started

Just by reading the section on religious traditions, I have learned quite a bit on the different marriage traditions throughout the world. There were a few questions that came to my mind before reading this weeks material, one being, what was the significance of the breaking of the goblet by the Jewish groom? It's unique to learn how different religions treat situations differently, which gave rise to traditions that are still followed to this day. What I was very interested in reading about was the Muslim marriage traditions. In Muslim marriages, I got a feeling, that there was not much romance involved. It was more of a contract, where the woman kept her own name and was left with her own property. My impressions also were that divorce was easy to obtain in the Muslim faith, and males could have more than one wife. There were no religious sacraments associated with Islamic marriages. The purpose for marriage that came up more than once was the atmosphere to create a stable environment for raising children.